My second-place label, which I think is very funny juxtaposed with the first one:
We are a Canadian homesquirreling family. Dad, known as Mr. Fixit, has lined the nest with old copies of Popular Mechanics. Mama Squirrel enjoys reading, scrounging, and raising the squirrelings: The Apprentice, Ponytails, and Dollygirl (formerly called Crayons). And there's Uncle Dewey, who is made of polyester and imagination and has lived in our treehouse for years. Climb up, you're welcome!