Elisheva at Ragamuffin Studies had a tricky situation to deal with, and says a lot as well about how we can make snap judgments about each others' kids...or each other. Read carefully what she said to her own son about what happened...there's a good example there for anyone who gets into something similar and wants to parent wisely but without destroying a child's spirit.
(Yes, I used "parent" as a verb. Yes, I know people frown on that. But would you really have wanted that sentence any longer?)